Some of my friends are taking Viagra before they go out partying and I have to admit I’m kind of curious what it would be like. I know it’s not 100% safe but what are the real risks? Don’t tell me that it’s that 4 hour erection.
- Steve, Ontario
Four hour erections aren’t all too common, but they are possible. The idea is joked about and sounds like something you could easily find a way to manage, but the reality of the issue (called priaprism) is that it’s caused by the inability of blood to leave the penis via the usual venous drainage system. That can damage the penis and cause great difficulties in getting/maintaining erections for extended periods of time, if not permanently. No man wants scars inside his penis.
In any case, my real concern with recreational use of Viagra is twofold:
First, Viagra can be covering a larger issue when males self-diagnose. Night after night of drinking, smoking, or lack of sleep may lead to erectile dysfunction and when males are popping Viagra left and right, they may not know that they have an issue that needs medical attention. The same goes for any other underlying condition such as high blood pressure or diabetes.
Careful!Secondly, you have to consider the dependency involved. Say that you’re just in the beginning of the development of your sex life and you start using Viagra and have positive results not just with your erection, but with the sexual experience in general. So the next time you repeat the formula to get the same results. Then the same the next time, the next time, the next time, etc. Now you’ve associated the need for Viagra with having good sex, so it’s now an issue of psychological dependence. It’s not an addiction, but it’s serious nevertheless.
So really, due to the physical and psychological risks, if you have no physical reason to medicate in order to achieve proper function, there is no need to dabble in taking Viagra or any other drug. Especially if it’s just for curiosity’s sake.
- XK
I have a question about sex toys. I’m a very big girl (400+) and am interested in getting a good vibrator. As you could imagine the common toys aren’t designed for women my size. A Pocket Rocket just isn’t my size, if you know what I mean. I can’t really reach where it needs to be. Same goes for the few other toys I’ve tried. Do they make a specialty line for the larger women out there?
- Tynecia, Waco, TX
As many heavier women report, just getting to the clitoral area can be a challenge, let alone getting to the vaginal opening and penetrating themselves. It can be a very tricky situation and humans didn’t evolve enough hands to do all the work.
In any case, I don’t know of any specialty lines, but I can make a suggestion. The Hitachi Magic 
Problem solvedWand is one of the most popular sex toys out there for both women and men. It plugs in so it never runs out of batteries, and since it was originally designed as a back massager, it delivers an intense stimulation. It’s about a foot long, so you should have no problem in reaching your clitoris. There are also a number of affordable attachments for penetration – the most popular two being a straight attachment (about 4” long which can also be used for accurate clitoral stimulation) and a curved, G-spot stimulating one.
I actually knew a woman who threw her Magic Wand off a bridge because she felt it was ruining her social life. Who needed a partner when you had this thing?
- XK
I’m a male in my 50s who wants to live a totally submissive life with my wife of 25 years. She’s naturally the dominant one in our relationship and makes most of the decisions and controls most aspects of our lives. A few years ago I let it be known to her that I secretly wore women’s clothing. She didn’t seem rattled at all, and in fact bought me a couple of pairs of panties. The trouble is that I told her about the cross-dressing so she would know that I was interested in exploring something further.
I have been slowly handing over my individuality and decision making to her over the last few years and now feel that I’m at the point where I want her to take total control of me. That has been the case sporadically over the last year or two and when it is that way, I am as happy as can be. However, like I said, it’s only sporadically, so I’m not happy all of the time. When I talk to her about it, she assures me that she is indeed of control of my life, but I disagree. To me it’s more than making decisions and paying the bills. I want complete submission. How can I get her to understand?
- David, Leeds, UK
I think your wife already understands, David. On a “likely to freak out” scale of 1-10, telling your wife that you’ve been hiding the fact that you wear women’s clothing from her (for over 20 years!) has to be a good, solid 8. Not only did she not freak out, but supported your routine by buying you panties. As you have slowly surrendered more and more of yourself, it sounds to me that she’s accepted this load and managed to make your relationship work.
Being a dominant in the sense you want her to be requires a lot of physical and emotional energy and effort. When you take all the stresses of work, social life, money, the home, kids, etc., there are people in this world who can’t handle just their individual responsibilities and they crack. What you’re asking your wife to do is handle two sets of those pressures. Not everybody is cut out to do that, regardless if they are just naturally dominant.
I think what you want from your wife is all well and good to desire, but the reality of it is that you are losing sight of one of the main concepts of marriage. Dominant or not, she married you to be your life partner in some aspect, not just your boss and caretaker. Enjoy what she gives you and savor those special, though sporadic, moments.
- XK
