I’ve been with this girl for about 4 months and I get the feeling she’s lying to me. She told me that she’s only had sex with one other guy besides me but I don’t really believe her because her pussy doesn’t look like it. It looks kind of used and abused, if you know what I mean. Is there a way I can tell for sure?
- Disbelief in Ohio
After puberty, vulvas look how they look before a woman is sexual with 1, 2, or 200 men. There is no visual litmus test to judge a woman’s number of sexual partners. In fact, you can’t generally tell by how they feel once you’re inside them either. 
Even this won't helpVaginal tone is determined by a large number of factors, not just something like, “she’s looser than my last partner because she’s been with more guys.” It doesn’t work like that.
It sounds to me like you’re simply not that familiar with the variance of vulvas. I recommend these two books to you: “Femalia” by Joani Blank and “Petals” written by Nick Karras. The latter is more artistic than the former, but both show the wide variety and beauty of the different shapes of the female genitals. If you don’t want to buy them, at least take a quick flip through them the next time you’re in your local bookstore. They’re basically coffee table books and you can get through them in no time.
Cut your girlfriend a break and get back on the right track to growing together. You certainly aren’t acting right if you’re under the impression that she’s lying to you about something you find so important.
- XK
I’ve been married for over 20 years and recently my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer. They caught it early and supposedly it’s taken care of. However, I have heard that cancer may be caused by a virus and I am scared that since we have sex so often I may get cancer myself on my cervix or uterus. What is the procedure for this? Do I need to ask my doctor to check me for a particular kind of virus?
- Worried Woman
No matter how much you have had sex with your husband, you are not at risk of getting cancer due to any matter related to his prostate.
I think what you’re doing is confusing the idea that certain strains of Human Papillomavirus (HPV) have been linked to cervical cancer in women. That doesn’t mean that all cancers are caused by viruses that we transmit to each other. Cancers of the prostate, bone, blood, brain, lung, breast, etc. have not been shown to have ties to sexually transmittable viruses.
My suggestion to you is that you monitor your body for changes and maintain regular breast and pelvic exam checkups with your health care provider, but do it for your own sake, not because of your husband’s situation.
For more information on the link on HPV and cancer, check our February article on it here.
- XK
I’m confused by my husband’s constant request to pull and squeeze his testicles. I can tell it hurts him but when I try to be gentle like my other boyfriends liked it, he tells me to be rougher with them. Is this a common thing or is this some little kink of his?
- SA, Iowa
It’s oh so very common. In fact, there are many men who are into ball KICKING! That’s right – many men pay a good amount of money to be tied up and have someone else tee off on their crotch. Countless men squeeze, pull, tap, and play with their testicles during masturbation, all with varying intensity.
I think people are so gentle with their partners in the very beginning of their sexual development that they underestimate the physicalness and aggression that genitals can endure. Think back, if you can, to your first experiences with a penis. Most people are gentle with them and treat them like they are about to break, 
Warning: Harmful if swallowedonly to be shown by their partner that they can actually go much harder than they might think. “Fondling the Monkey” isn’t the term, after all.
You do want to remember that pulling and squeezing is probably fine, but you have to be somewhat careful since you can technically do permanent damage. Also, twisting is probably a no-no. I had a bit of testicular torsion (unrelated) in college and trust me when I tell you that it’s not a pleasant ordeal. So just listen to your husband’s requests. Let him guide you through it; I’m sure he’ll let you know if it’s too little or too much.
- XK
