I've always loved reading and lately I've become more interested in writing and reading erotic works, and I don't mean that simply as sexual works. Writings about love are just as moving to me. Whenever I search online or flip through a book, however, it's either terrible or just a collection of “fuck”, “thrust”, “squirting”, or some other words I feel like the author got by watching an unimaginative porno. Do you have any suggestions as to where I could find something a little…I don't know…better? Most of the things I find are so graphic that there is nothing left to the imagination and the writing is anything but beautiful and elegant.
- Brazen Bibliophilist in Berkeley
My, my! You just penetrated all our readers' minds with your large, lengthy, deep…alliteration, BBB!
Erotic writings have been around forever, and it's only somewhat recently that the “unimaginative porno vocabulary” has seeped in. These kinds of works have their place, but I do understand what you're getting at here. Often, eroticism extends beyond intercourse, but that's largely lost today.
In grad school, I worked at a bookstore. Every week a couple came in and they would sit down and the man would read while his wife knitted. After weeks of this, I asked her, “Why don't you ever get anything to read? You're here for hours at a time, every weekend!” She replied, “I don't like the way books are written now. Comparing Shakespeare to John Grisham is like comparing my favorite Pinot Noir to Boone's Farm. They're both wine, but I barely associate them as such.”
So with that in mind, I'd suggest something written completely differently back when everything was written differently. If I had to make a suggestion, I'd go with “The Eve of St. Venus.” It was written a few hundred years A.D., although it's not known who composed it, nor is it complete. Unfortunately, only a few stanzas exist. Let me further frame it:
Though it was few hundred years after the death of Christ, a large number of people still celebrated the love goddess Venus in the old tradition. In April, Venus' own month, people would meet for the largest of these celebrations in order to rejoice in the ushering in of the miracles of spring. They'd decorate themselves in little more than flowers and praise Venus, specifically by reenacting her involvement in major episodes in Roman mythology: her falling in love with Adonis, the judgment of Paris, her capture with Mars in Vulcan's net, etc.
The poem's theme, as you might guess, is a night in April where men and women anxiously awaited the deity's arrival into nature, when spring would undergo its marvelous change. 
Old SchoolIn the final verse, the poem becomes decidedly personal – when nature is delighted by Venus' influence, he feels that he himself is withering away and is upset that Venus has overlooked him. As you read it, note that Venus is so regarded as love personified, not just as a deity, but something greater: love as much of a law of nature as a way of life.
I
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love. Spring is young, spring is the world reborn. In spring lovers make accord, in spring the birds mate and the woodland loosens her tresses under nuptial showers.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
II
To-morrow the marriage-maker of the love amid shadows of trees weaves her verdurous bowers of myrtle-spray; to-morrow she leads her bands on festival in the singing forests; to-morrow Dione declares her laws high enthroned aloft.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
III
To-morrow will be the day when the primal ether joined wedlock; when from the moisture overhead and the orbed sea-foam, amid green multitudes and finned horses, sprang Dione wave-born under nuptial showers.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
IV
She herself paints the crimsoning year with flowery jewels; herself coaxes swelling buds into warm clusters under the West Wind's breath; herself sprinkles dripping wetness of the glittering dew that the night-air leaves as it passes.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
V
Sparkling tears quiver in a heavy drip, the little splashing dew-bead holds together in its fall; the moisture that the stars distil on cloudless nights unfolds the maiden buds from their wet sheaths at daybreak.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
VI
So the petalled crimsons have unveiled their blush, and a flame of roses breaks from the warm clusters; the Goddess herself has bidden the roses loosen the raiment from their maiden buds, to be naked virgin brides in the fresh daybreak.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
VII
Compounded of Venus' blood and of love's kiss and of jewels and of flames and of flushes of the sun, to-morrow the bride unashamed will unfold from the wet cluster the crimson that lurked hid in its taper sheath.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
VIII
The Goddess herself has bidden the nymphs go forth in the myrtle thicket; with the girl a boy goes in company; and yet it may not be deemed that Love is gone on festival if he carries his shafts. Go forth, nymphs; Love has laid by his weapons, he keeps festival.
IX
He has been bidden go forth unarmed, has been bidden go forth naked, that he might do no injury with bow nor shaft nor torch. But yet take heed, nymphs, because Cupid is fair; Love naked is complete, Love unarmed is the same.
X
Venus sends thee maidens as virginal as thou: “One thing it is we ask: retire, maid of Delos, that the woodland be unstained by wild creatures' slaughter, and trace her verdurous shadows over the fresh flowers.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
XI
Herself she would ask thee, if she might bend thy virginity; thyself she would thou camest, if that were meet for a maiden; now for three nights wouldst thou see the bands pass along they glades amid assembled multitudes making festival.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
XII
Among flowery garlands, among myrtle bowers, Ceres and Bachhus are not absent, nor the god of the poets. All the night shall be kept awake with songs unceasingly; Dione shall be queen in the woods; do though retire, maid of Delos.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
XIII
The Goddess has bidden her judgment-seat be set amid flowers of Hybla; herself will preside and declare her laws, the Graces will sit beside her. Pour forth all thy flowerage, O Hybla. The whole foison, of the year; put on they garment of flowers, O Hybla, over all the plain of Enna.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
XIV
The country quickens with love's delight, the country feels Venus' touch; Love himself, the child of Dione, is deemed countryborn. Him, while the field broke to birth, herself she took up into her bosom, herself nursed with the dainty kisses of flowers.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
XV
So now the bulls lay a broad flank upon the broom; each community is held together in wedlock-band. Lo, beneath the shade the bleating flock with their lords, and tuneful birds that the Goddess had bidden not be mute.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
XVI
Now hoarse-mouthed swans crash trumpeting over the pools; the maid of Tereus makes decant under the poplar shade, that you would think tunes of love issued trilling from her mouth, and not a sister's complaint of a barbarous lord.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
XVII
She sings, we are mute; when is my spring coming? When shall I be as the swallow, that I may cease to be voiceless? I have lost the Muse in silence, nor does Apollo regard me; so Amyclae, being mute, perished by silence.
To-morrow shall be love for the loveless, and for the lover to-morrow shall be love.
- XK
Why aren't sexual predator location sites more widely known? My husband and I bought a house and discovered these sites too late. You wouldn't believe the number of sex offenders in our zip code. I think it's an outrage that we weren't informed of this beforehand.
- Angry in Oregon
This is a sensitive subject. Whenever we combine the term “sex” with the term “children” in nearly any context, people start freaking out. Save the children! Save the children!
It seems that this matter with sex offenders is more and more in the public eye, likely due to Dateline's To Catch A Predator series. It's not surprising that the series is popular because, let's face it, anything that bothers people and/or makes their jaw drop is something they'll tune in to over and over again. The show is popular from the water cooler buzz it creates: “Can you believe that people like that exist?” The fact is, these people DO exist, but not in the sheer numbers we're being led to believe. Our perception of the dangers posed to America's children is inflated. Sensationalism sells.
I understand the idea of trying to track dangerous criminals. What I don't understand is why sexual criminals are the only ones we're keeping track of in this way. First, aren't other dangerous individuals worth keeping tabs on? People who we know are apt to get behind the wheel after way too many drinks, people who burn down neighborhoods, muggers, and people who commit aggravated assault aren't as important for us to know where they are? How does that make sense?
What's next?
Secondly, we lump a violent rapist or a sexually abusive father in the same category as a guy who says obscene words on a telephone call or an 18-and-one-day-old who has sex with her 16 year-old boyfriend. Again, how does that make sense?
I do see what the law is trying to do here, but I think come changes need to be made. We need to <gasp> drop it altogether until we get it right, tighten up the program so it makes sense, or, apply it evenly across the board to all dangerous criminals. Or is voluntary manslaughter not sensational enough anymore?
The fact is, the world always has been – and always will be – a dangerous place. Knowing the residential location of a man who was arrested in college for indecent exposure after he had half a bottle of vodka won't change that.
- XK
I have a very specific thing where I really get sexually excited by the smell of chocolate cake. I don't know where I picked it up but there is no denying that it exists. The problem I'm having is that I meet all these guys and we eventually have sex and I can't figure out a way to let them know my quirk. I'm single now and have decided to try online dating and was wondering how much sex plays into it. With so many to choose from, which service should I go with for something like that?
- John in Albuquerque
There isn't an online dating service that I'm aware of that has questions concerning sexual personalities to the depth you're talking about here. Craigslist is probably your best bet, though you won't be exposed to the sheer numbers of the main dating services.
Your question got me thinking, John. Just how much about our sexual selves to online dating services try to uncover?
The answer is next to none. I went on one of the main matchmaking sites that I won't name here (I'll give you a hint, though: it sounds a lot like “e-Harmony”) to see exactly what they felt the key was to matching you up with someone you were perfect for. Excluding the few that were asking how important being physically attracted to the opposite sex is, there were two, sexually speaking, that had to do with matching you up with a partner. That's two out of over three hundred. Less than 2/3 of 1%. So if someone had a dollar and was offering you that same amount, they'd take one penny, cut off over a third of it and give the remainder to you. That would be economically worthless, just like a relationship that is physically based on the same amount would be.
According to that site, over 99% of a relationship is something other than your sexual compatibility. One of the two sexual aspects they actually bother to include is rating how important “sexual compatibility” was to you. Talk about a general, sweeping question! That shouldn't be a choice to rate; it should be an entire section of 300-and-something questions of its own.
Sure, there are other factors in a relationship than your sex life and you might think that I'm oblivious to them since I write primarily about sexual issues. However, I agree completely with this article about how there is a balance between our physical and mental components in a relationship. Surely that balance includes more physical matters than barely over half a percent of the relationship! I'm sure that anyone in sexual counseling could tell you that when the sexual area is out of balance, the magnitude of the situation is going to be much, much greater than .66%.
It's way more than this
This gem actually shows up on the list: “I sometimes drive faster than the posted speed-limit.” You're telling me that is more important than something like, “I feel inadequate when I'm rejected by my partner”?
I guess they just expect that you'll pair up based upon all the other items on their list and then cross your fingers on the physical aspect of it all. That sounds to me like a recipe for e-Cacophony.
- XK
