Faith
Gone from your eyes
Each word it flies
Taking you further away
And come that day
There ain't no easy way to cry
David Gray - "Easy Way to Cry"
What do you think makes people cheat? I don't mean chemically or genetically or whatever. What I mean is what do you think people do so that other people cheat on them? Why is it so common?
- Tony R., Jacksonville, FL
Well, you're making it sound like it's the fault of the person that gets cheated on, which isn't fair to say. It ultimately comes down to the person doing the cheating. If they've made the commitment to be with one person (in whatever capacity) and only that person, then going outside that is their choice and their mistake.
But when does it happen the most? Gideon says it happens most when girls get breast implants and the new confidence/attention that comes with that. I disagree. In my experience, I've seen it happen the most when something is not provided in the relationship. People are going to get what they need one way or another. If a woman isn't romantically satisfied, it isn't hard to picture a woman having some kind of connection to someone who provides that for her. If someone isn't as attracted to their partner as they used to be, it isn't hard to picture them having some connection to someone they are much more attracted to. By no means am I saying that it makes it okay; I'm simply saying that people are going to try to find all the puzzle pieces to their puzzle, sometimes even if they have to look in other boxes.
So, it's important to know what your partner needs and to give it to them. If they need you to be more romantic, you should do it. If you both need to be attractive to your partner, you should do it. If you need to be a little more sexual, you should do it. If you can't, then you can always find someone else whose needs you can fulfill
- NK
We are made to bleed
And scab and heal and bleed again
And turn every scar into a joke
Ani DiFranco - "Buildings and Bridges"
I'll admit that I sometimes suck at being a boyfriend. I was raised real macho and don't really like apologizing or know how. I hate to apologize. I basically just say "Sorry then" whenever she cries and she says I don't mean it. What's a good way to apologize and still be manly?
- S.D., Topeka, KS
That quivering lip. Those little sniffles. Tissue after tissue. How could you do that to her, S.D.?
Actually, don't worry about it too much. Hurting each other's feelings is bound to happen in every relationship - you'll hurt hers somehow and she'll hurt yours. So, whether you like it or not, apologizing is also part of every relationship.
Contrition is difficult for a lot of guys. It means that someone who is genetically positioned to protect and lead the way has made a miscalculation. And we're notorious for not owning up to mistakes. But there are benefits. You'll feel better, she'll feel better, and everyone respects those who do the right thing.
It doesn't work to apologize a hundred times or to go on and on about it. That's a bit too much and sounds insincere. Also, you saying, "Sorry then" probably isn't doing the trick. It sounds like you're apologizing just because she's upset. "I guess since you're crying, that means I should be sorry."
So what do you do?
If you screwed up, take responsibility. Not just to her, but to yourself. "I know I messed up and there is no justification for what I did." Be a man. Own up to the situation.
Show that you regret what happened. "I feel awful that this happened and that you're hurt."
Let her know what she can expect from you in the future. "That was terrible. It's not worth messing up our relationship. That won't happen again."
Saying sorry doesn't mean you aren't manly or have lost any masculine ground. It makes you more of a man, if anything.
- NK
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse
When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
Bob Dylan - "Like A Rolling Stone"
Most women complain about guys not calling them. For me, the problem is that lately I've had a string of guys call me, but then not ask me out. Recently, the same guy called me three different times, apparently just to chat. I finally stopped answering the phone because I figured out that it wasn't going anywhere. Why would a guy call and not bother asking a girl out? If guys are nervous, they just need to grow a pair and be a man. And don't say I should ask them out. If they're the ones calling, they should also do the asking out.
- Stephanie, Dallas
You should ask them out.
- NK
