I went to a new pharmacist the other day and he wouldn't [fill] my prescription for my birth control pills. He told me that it was legal for him to refuse me service. I left and went to my regular pharmacist, who [filled] the prescription no problem. Can they really do that? What gives?
- T.W., Mississippi
I considered not answering this question because I don't like to get too political with my part of the site, but this just seems like a common sense thing. It's hard for me to say which is the worst: only giving contraception to a woman if she's married, believing that contraception is a form of abortion and refusing to dispense it, or holding prescriptions hostage, refusing to transfer them to another pharmacy. All of these things have been reported across the country. Dozens of states now allow pharmacists to refuse to fill any legal prescription that conflicts with their personal morals.
Do you know
your state's policy?
I respect other people's morals and ethics, but I can't support them when they lead to discrimination, as they do here. It's honestly surprising to me that somehow people even find this debatable. Either a pharmacist can apply their own morals to their job or they can't; allowing something in-between leads to a gray area full of slippery slopes. How ridiculous does it have to get? If a pharmacist wouldn't fill a prescription for an HIV positive, gay male because they didn't approve of their lifestyle, how would we feel about that? If they wouldn't dispense pain medication because they didn't believe in a type of surgery a person is recovering from, how would we feel about that? If they wouldn't give prescription to assist with erectile dysfunction because they didn't believe people above a certain age should be sexually active, how would we feel about that?
And what is a woman in a rural community, where there may only be one pharmacy, to do if she has her health care options denied? Some can afford to try another pharmacy in a nearby town, and some can not. For those that can not, this means that their legal right in choosing to control their own contraception by the method of their choice is no longer in their hands. In cases of emergency contraception, time is of the essence and a woman may have her attempt at responsibility denied by those that have nothing to do with her life.
Where are these pharmacists' morals when they are dispensing drugs that have well-known, terrible side effects? Where are their morals when the drugs they are dispensing cost an exorbitant amount of money, thereby eliminating a large percentage of the people who may actually benefit from taking them? Where are their morals when dispensing drugs from a company whose goal is not purely healthcare but rather an obvious financial gain?
This isn't an infringement on a business decision or their right to their conscience. The truth is that pharmacists can believe whatever they'd like. That's part of being an American, right? They can attend anti-contraception rallies, write their local paper about how wrong they believe it is to use contraception, teach their children how bad they believe contraception is, or whatever the case may be. However, since professionally they are licensed by the state, they must stick to U.S. medical standards which tell them to serve all people, regardless of race, religion, weight, hair length, astrological sign, lucky number, or anything else - including a lifestyle they don't approve of.
- XK
You may be the only one who can understand this. I have been forced celibate for 2 years now because of my inability to have an orgasm from penetration. It has made a husband, a fiance, and other boyfriends feel like they can't satisfy me, thus losing interest in me. I try to make them understand that it just has never happened that way, but it doesn't matter. Now I am afraid to have sexual relations or any serious relations because I feel they will all end up the same way. What should I do?
- Me, NC
If you've read the site, you'll know that I'm not a statistics kind of guy, but I feel that these misfortunes of yours warrant bringing up some numbers.
There is absolutely nothing wrong or unusual with what you're reporting. Up to 70% of women don't orgasm from penetration. That's almost 3 out of 4! That is by far the majority. In fact, another way of looking at it is that women who do orgasm from penetration are the unusual ones, statistically speaking. I'm not sure when in our society it's become the case that there's something wrong with you if you're not wildly orgasmic from anything and everything a partner does with you sexually. Most women have something specific that works for them and it's usually not penetration alone. Incorporate whatever does work for you into your sex life. Most women will tell you that clitoral play works the best for them, but if that's not your thing, that's ok too. There is no wrong way to come.
Which buttons
rock your world?Some people have orgasms from nipple play. Some have them from anal play. Taking it even further, some individuals who have lost feeling from the waist down have learned to achieve orgasm avenues like stimulation of their ears. That's great for them, but it doesn't mean they've achieved some greater accomplishment than anyone else. It's just what they do, not what you do.
I don't mean to bring up any distressing feelings of yours, but it sounds to me like you were with the wrong guys. Each person we're with has different needs and means of stimulation, and anyone who doesn't recognize that is being somewhat selfish. In your case, it sounds to me like the men you've had in your life measure their worth not by love, support, communication, and learning about you, but rather by being almost a mythical sexual creature who can make you orgasm from anything he tries.
You're doing the same thing 7 out of 10 women are. I think you've been punished enough by the men in your life. Don't continue to punish yourself with guilty feelings and fear. Find someone who is not only willing to learn what turns your body on, but eager to do so. Get back out there and find someone who works with you, not someone who demands you work for them.
- XK
I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and we have a great relationship. Our sex life is still amazing and we communicate well both in and outside the bedroom. However, sometimes when I climax another random guy comes to my mind, and I don't know if this is normal or not. Is this normal and should I tell my boyfriend about this or keep it a secret?
- My Little Secret, Chicago, IL
Unintentional muscular spasms creeping your muscles closer and closer to locking up, blood pressure soaring, chemicals tearing through your body, dilating pupils letting a world of images in, your body heat rising like you're on fire, involuntary whimpers, your body moving from damply shimmering and sticking to everything it comes across to sliding past every inch of skin it touches, bursts of electricity streaking through your brain, shallow, quick breathing letting you get just enough oxygen where you barely think you will make it through another breath, your heart pounding so hard that you can hear it...
...it's a wonder you can even remember what is flashing through your mind.
But don't worry about it; you're normal. It doesn't mean you care less for your boyfriend. It sounds like you two have your act together.
Now comes the difficult part. Should you tell him? I guess the answer depends on your boyfriend. I know guys who would get jealous if their girlfriend said, "You know, I think Barney was a little cuter than Fred." I also know guys who absolutely love the idea of their partner being with another man. Most guys will fall somewhere in the middle. Where does he fall? Is he the kind that would be upset about that kind of thing? 
What's on your mind
is your own businessOr is he the kind that would ravage you even more because he wanted to show you he was the only man that should ever cross your mind while you're being sexual? You know him a lot better than I do.
Our private sexual thoughts are our own; that's the beauty of fantasy. You don't owe it to anyone to fully explain every bit of them. If you do decide to tell him, you should do it to enhance your sex life, certainly not because you feel guilty about it or because you feel like you are keeping a secret that you need to get off your chest. But if you really can't decide, it's like the adage says. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
- XK
