I've been dating a guy for 3 weeks now. I really like him but I'm not sure when I should sleep with him. All my friends have different rules. For one of them it's a month. For one of them it's 5 dates. Another one doesn't sleep with a new guy until he proves that he loves her. I'm so confused. How long do I wait?
- Wendy, Beaumont, TX
Well, there is no answer I can give you that is the be-all, end-all answer. Not only is each individual different, but each person that the individual dates will be different for them too. One may sleep with a person a month into it, a week into it, the first hour, or even something as arbitrary as 3 "I-love-yous" into it. However, the next person you are with is a completely new set of circumstances and requires completely new decisions. So, there is no set answer here. To set a time limit or put some other quota on it doesn't make a lot of sense.
Just the fact that you aren't sure if you're ready suggests to me that you aren't. Wait until there is no question in your mind. When it's right, it's right, no matter how long that takes. Nobody worth being with, or sleeping with, will see it any other way.
- XK
I'm recently married but my husband and I are having a problem. He won't touch me during my period. I admit that I don't feel sexual ALL of the time but for him to be so disgusted with me during that week is upsetting to me. In fact, he is so periodphobic that he won't even pick up tampons for me when he goes to the store. Sometimes I even have to make a separate trip when, believe me, that's the last thing I want to be doing. Are all guys this bad?
- J., NM
I'm not sure if we should blame this on Leviticus or society's resistance to think for themselves. It seems that both men and women have been told for so long that women are "dirty" or "unclean" during their period that they've all started to believe it. This can lead to a couple of problems. For women, they may believe they are dirty so they may deny their partner when he's interested in being sexual with her. And for men, they may run into the problem your husband is having.
In my view, any rational couple who puts it all out on the table should have no problem dealing with this. You're human and that's part of it; get over it. They should both stop pretending that it doesn't exist and, more importantly, stop thinking that there is something wrong with a woman for being a woman.
Just as a side, this all sometimes even extends to the ridiculous idea that guys should be embarrassed to go get their partner tampons when they need them. Trust me guys, nobody is under the impression that they are for you. A woman having her period is a natural biological process just like many we deal with on a daily basis. Guys wouldn't be ashamed to buy their partner Pepto-Bismol, tissues, or toilet paper, would they?
- XK
I'm a 58 year-old woman and I have a problem with all the sex on TV, sex in music, and sex that all the kids are having. When I was growing up it wasn't like this and I fear where we're headed.
- Joann S., VA
I'll give you that television and music have become more wanton and lascivious; there is a big difference in content between Kim Carnes and Lil' Kim. However, I think you're on the wrong track in thinking that kids have more sex today than when you were growing up. Any statistics for this would be tough to look at because of the way sexual stigmas seem to present themselves in the misreporting of information. Sex has been seen as such a negative thing that it's hard to get reliable information since people feel ashamed or looked down upon when conveying details.
This isn't your first kissCould it be that it seems that kids are having more sex because it's not as hush-hush as it used to be? A lot of people think that there are more gay, lesbian, and bisexual people out there than ever before, but maybe we should realize that society has slowly shifted so that more feel comfortable coming out. The numbers we know about are up, but that doesn't mean the numbers themselves are up.
Whatever the case may be, let's just hope that all those kids you're referring to are given positive, reliable information about their sexuality and the sexuality of the world around them so they make well-informed decisions throughout their lives.
- XK
