I just learned that a "dirty sanchez" was when a man and a woman have anal sex and then the man takes his penis and rubs shit on her upper lip, giving her a moustache! That's disgusting! Have you heard about this?
- Cindy O., Albuquerque, NM
Yes. A Dirty Sanchez is more famous than a Cleveland Steamer, but not quite as famous 
"Ready when you are!" the infamous Shocker. There are a lot of things people do that aren't going to be for you. It's all perspective, though; people who do these things don't find them disgusting at all. I met a girl from Texas that thought that doggy-style sex was disgusting and only for perverts.
Even though a Dirty Sanchez isn't my personal cup of tea either, you have to admit that the name is creative. In fact, here are some names for sex acts I came up with that just don't sound all that fun to me, personally.
Here are my top 10. Fuck it, top dozen:
- Menage-a-claws
- The Vagina Pirate
- The Fish N' Chips
- Square Peg, Round Hole
- Wishboning
- The Mud Shovel
- Missionary: Impossible
- Paddleballs
- Touring Viet N.A.M.B.L.A.
- That Won't Fit
- The Coccyx
- Curried Chutes and Bladders
- GR
The measure of a man
I swear my penis used to be bigger. The only thing I can think of is that I've put on about 40 pounds in the last five years. Is it just that I can't see as much over my belly, or does maybe something like a change in hormones when you get fat make your penis smaller?
- Bradford L., Sioux City, IA
You're not shrinking. Men hold a lot of fat around their midsection. With the extra weight you've put on, you're adding a fat pad underneath the skin around your pelvic area, which pushes the skin outward, making the penis appear shorter. It's not shrinking, but it's more hidden. I'd guess that many men might feel that "smaller-looking penis" is high in the running for the #1 reason they would have when thinking about eating better and getting into the gym. I'm sure you'll have your old dick back as soon as you can lose some of the weight. Remember - eating right and doing cardio will help you a lot faster than crunches; there still isn't such thing as spot-reducing some area of your body.
- GR
I'm 32 and have been smoking for about 10 years now. I've tried to quit a few times but never really had a huge desire to do it. A friend of mine said that he read that smoking can cause impotency. Getting girls isn't easy for me anyway, but that would be devastating. Is that true?
- Ryan J., Jackson, MS
I'm sorry to tell you that it is, in fact, true that smoking can lead to a huge increase in the likelihood to experience impotency. It's 2006, Ryan. I would think that you'd have seen a thing or two about how smoking isn't good for you. If getting girls is already hard for you and you don't want to quit, maybe you can take out a personal ad:
A failed marketing campaign
- Wanted: Hot chicks! About me - Intelligent, college-educated, 32, 5'10", 185 lbs., well dressed, enjoys romance, no games. Also: yellow teeth, graying skin, brittle hair, constant stink (not just me - all my possessions, too), halitosis, high risk for cancer, stroke, and heart disease. Ladies - call now for limp dick special!
I'm sure you'll get a shitload of responses.
- GR
